you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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