Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Randomize
