yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
