ya dads aren't the best wingmen
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
My bed smells like the plague
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
