There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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