She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
