Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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