you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
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I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
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so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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