I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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