i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
