I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i came on her dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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