when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
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