I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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