She is in my trunk
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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