i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
