I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
