I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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