I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
