I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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