Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
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