i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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