when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Randomize
