new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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