dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Randomize
