the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
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Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
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I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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