She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
