I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
