I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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