We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
