where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Randomize