Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
