It's Friday. Sex?
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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