yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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