ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
My vagina just clenched in fear
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
