I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
wanna go halves on a baby?
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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