My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
