before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
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I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
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GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
you made out with another girl for some wings
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