Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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