thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
