Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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