Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
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The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
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It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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