u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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