I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
