His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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