shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
