Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
