so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
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Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
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This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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