He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Terrible idea I love it
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
