I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
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