Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
