Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize