i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
