when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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