How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
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