just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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