Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
