This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
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I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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