Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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