i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
