you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
