i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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