Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
