woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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