my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I think your dad took our porno
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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