If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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