I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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