Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
