I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
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I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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