Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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