Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize