Moan for me like Helen Keller
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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